Beyond the Box - Why Men and Women Need a Broader Vision of Shared Humanity
When I first moved to Australia in 2007, one of the things that struck me deeply about the Australian Church was its fresh, healthy approach to identity. Coming from a context heavily influenced by U.S. evangelical debates, I was used to an intense obsession with strict gender roles and rigid definitions of "biblical manhood" and "biblical womanhood."
Shortly after arriving, I asked a Christian woman in Tasmania how she defined "biblical womanhood." Her response was as simple as it was profound: "To live like Jesus… as a woman."
And for men? The same thing: to live like Jesus… as a man.
When I shared this reflection in a conversation recently, a man quipped: "That must be hard for you, since Jesus was a man!"
I didn't say it out loud at the time, but I thought to myself: Well, not really! I can still live like Jesus—and pee sitting down!
Humour aside, his comment highlighted a subtle trap: assuming that Jesus’ humanity is somehow more accessible or normative for men than for women, or that his male biology limits women from fully embodying His character and life.
We see a similar tension in popular evangelical frameworks—like Tim and Kathy Keller’s view of marriage—which divide Christ's character by assigning "sacrificial leadership" to the husband and "humble submission" to the wife. But splitting Jesus’ character in half restricts both men and women from embodying the whole Christ. When we force gender into these rigid, prescribed roles, we set up a fragile foundation where shared authority or changing social dynamics feel like a threat to identity.
The State of Man and the Struggle of Shared Spaces
This identity crisis and resulting anxiety were vividly on display in Marc Fennell’s compelling three-part ABC documentary series, The State of Man. Exploring the rise and reach of the manosphere, the series dives deep into the confusion, isolation, and online rabbit holes that so many young men and boys are navigating today.
In the series, many men expressed a poignant dilemma: as women have stepped into spaces once reserved exclusively for men, those men feel as though something core to their identity has been stripped away. When manhood is narrowly defined strictly by roles like being the sole "provider and protector," what happens when women also provide and protect? If a man's identity depends on being the singular controller of a space, sharing that space feels like an existential loss.
The 20th Century modelled several approaches to women entering "a man's world". At one point, we tried fitting into those spaces on men's terms “doing it like the men”, before realising that wasn't the solution. We began to inhabit those spaces fully as women. But as a society—and often as a Church—we haven't adequately prepared men and boys to share the world without feeling like their purpose is being taken away.
When we cram masculinity and femininity into rigid, narrow boxes, we do immense harm. We hurt those who don't fit the mould, and ultimately, we fracture our relationships, families, and communities. We do not thrive when we enforce artificial polarisation, but flourishing comes when we embrace the full, rich diversity of expressions across the complete spectrum of male and female as image-bearers of God.
Why Isolation Isn't the Answer
When well-meaning groups look for solutions to support struggling men, they often resort to single-sex environments: boys-only clubs, male-only camping trips, or isolated focus groups. While safe spaces to talk are important, there is a fundamental paradox here: you cannot learn to share the world with women by continuing to isolate yourselves from them.
If our spaces for processing identity exclude women entirely, men are still being taught to understand themselves in a vacuum. Healing and growth happen in relationship, where men and women interact, listen, and learn to coexist with mutual respect.
This was vividly illustrated in the documentary. The series featured three young men who had drifted deep into the manosphere and openly admitted to adopting misogynistic views. What brought them back? It wasn't isolated male echo chambers; it was direct, personal connection with key women in their lives—a mother, a sister, a teacher. Through genuine conversations with women who loved them, challenged them, and listened to them, these young men were able to re-evaluate their worldview and step back into healthy relationships.
Women are not the threat to male identity; they are essential partners in healing and shared flourishing.
Fixing Our Eyes on Jesus and the New Community
So where do we go from here? The answer remains as true today as it was when I first arrived in Australia in 2007: we fix our eyes on Jesus.
Both men and women are called to embody the whole Christ—His servant heart and His courageous leadership, His gentle humility and His bold truth. Neither sex holds a monopoly on any part of Jesus' character.
When our eyes are fixed on Jesus, we don't need narrow, prescribed boxes to give us value or purpose. We see a brilliant picture of this in Romans 16, where the Apostle Paul greets a vibrant network of women and men—single and married alike—labouring side-by-side for the Gospel. There are no rigid, artificial hierarchies shutting people out; instead, it is a true reflection of the Kingdom of God, where diverse image-bearers serve, lead, and flourish together.
Men do not need to fear losing their identity when women step up; rather, both men and women thrive when we reflect the fullness of Christ in mutual respect, partnership, and love. May we leave behind the drive for perfect body types and definitions of high-value that exclude the majority of humanity from full human flourishing. Let us be a community that models this shared humanity—inviting men and women into a vision of life that is expansive, grace-filled, and deeply rooted in Christ.
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
Galatians 3:28
This trailer provides a glimpse into Marc Fennell's series on ABC iview, offering immediate context to the conversations, challenges, and stories of young men navigating the manosphere today.
Christine Jolly is a part-time campus minister to university students in Tasmania. A former missionary kid (Germany) and current high school art and Christian Studies teacher, she describes her hobbies as theatre and “the internet”.
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