Women Need Courageous Allies to Stop Harm

FHE Editor
1 day ago
3 min read

For a number of Christian women, domestic and family violence is not a distant issue or a news headline. It is lived quietly in their homes, often behind closed doors, and sometimes in relationships that are outwardly presentable but misunderstood by others. The long-term impact of relational harm for those who suffer is significant. Women can be left questioning not only their safety, but also their faith, their mental wellbeing, their worth, and their understanding of love. Over two decades ago, I left a marriage crushed by coercion, emotional abuse, and unfaithfulness. Thankfully, today my life looks very different. I am remarried to a man who is compassionate, supportive, and committed to mutual respect. He also carries his own story of harm, having grown up in a home shaped by domestic violence. Through our marriage, I have come to understand something that has reshaped my perspective: violence does not only wound women and children; it also harms men, often in ways that go unnamed and unaddressed. Although organisations like The Red Heart Movement clearly document the devastating consequences of domestic and family violence in countries like Australia, the majority of Christians feel uneasy about the subject and unsure if they can offer help. Over many years of shared reflection, my husband and I have become convinced of this truth: women cannot carry the responsibility for ending domestic violence on their own. Nor can change come through women being more resilient, more forgiving, more supportive, or more discerning. Ending violence requires communities to be places where truthful accounts of domestic and family violence are clearly heard, the patterns of power and control in violence are understood, and safe men are educated and resourced to step forward and courageously use the influence they already hold. Many men care deeply about the women in their lives. They love their wives, daughters, sisters, and friends. Yet when harm occurs close to home—within families, churches, or community organisations—many men feel unsure how to respond. They may fear making things worse, by misreading a situation, or overstepping. Too often, that uncertainty results in silence. For women living with abuse, silence from others can be devastating. It can feel like confirmation that the harm is not serious enough, that speaking up was a mistake, or that protection is conditional on keeping the peace. While silence is rarely intended to harm, it can unintentionally reinforce the isolation that keeps abuse hidden. Recently, an Australian organisation that supports vulnerable women asked if there was anything available to help the men connected with their work who care deeply, but feel illequipped to know what appropriate help would look like. Their question was simple: How do we help men who want to support women’s safety, but don’t know where to start? In response to that request, my husband and I developed a discussion guide for men to use with other men—one that draws on women’s lived experiences of harm and men’s understanding of the fears and struggles that can lead to control. It was written not to excuse behaviour or place responsibility back on women, but to help safe men—those who want to be part of the solution—learn, reflect, and act with wisdom. For concerned women reading this, knowing that such tools exist can be encouraging as they offer one tangible step towards women not carrying the weight alone. Women who are living in harmful relationships need safe allies: men who are willing to listen without minimising and to act with informed wisdom. We need churches and communities where safety matters more than reputations, and where courage is measured not by endurance of harm, but by advocating for respectful action. Jesus consistently aligned himself with those whose voices were overlooked and whose suffering was hidden. He asked both the men and women following him to care for the vulnerable through radical personal involvement. Women should not have to carry the issue of domestic violence alone. And when caring men are given the opportunity and tools to step forward, by God’s grace, they don’t have to.

Philippa Cleall works as a Children’s and Family Counsellor which has given her the privilege of walking alongside many individuals and families through times of pain, crisis, and growth. She also serves as a voluntary chaplain in the Australian NSW court system. As a committed Christian for over 30 years, her walk with God has been shaped not only by faith, but also by personal trials and seasons of deep testing. She is passionate about supporting the vulnerable and hopes that her writing will be helpful for those on the journey of healing from painful or harmful relationships.