Fixing Her Eyes

August 22, 2015

 

 

Fixing Her Eyes 
 

I have a woman's eyes

and they fix themselves on women's things

 

on boys

two boys, mine

I gaze at them in proud adoration

and often with an anxious mother guilt

 

on men

and their seeming effortlessness, their ability

to harness ambition without regret

 

on others

have I increased their happiness enough

do their eyes assess me as good

 

on myself

a face once young, that drew the gaze

now etched with the mixed results of living

 

on the mundane and the ephemeral

an antidote to overanalysis

and the overanalysis of my overanalysis

 

and then

now and then

I fix my eyes on Jesus

 

I have a woman's eyes

imperfect eyes

imperfectly fixed strabismus eyes

 

those eyes see Jesus

that vision clears away my diffidence, 

my self-conscious inadequacy

 

will you listen to what I see?
 

 

___________

 

Megan Powell du Toit 2015

In alphabetical order, Megan du Toit is a daughter, friend, mother, pastor, teacher, twin and wife. These relationships and roles are central to her sense of self, all of the relationships informed by her relationship with God. She is currently doing a PhD in theology, and is wondering why she wasn't warned off by her experience of two previous honours theses (one in literature and another in theology). She longs to live a grace filled life and asks for your grace with her in her repeated failure. You could also call her fickle and unfocused in her pursuits but she would rather you call her a renaissance woman.

 

 

 

 

 

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All images, words and materials are copyright protected and are the property of the author and / or Fixing Her Eyes. Please contact us at fixinghereyes (@) gmail.com for permissions. January 2019